so why share??

My heart.  That's the more of me that I don't want to share.  In truth, pretty much anything remotely personal about myself and my struggles.  I don't want to share them.  With anyone really.  My friends, my family, even my own husband.  Why you ask?  I wish I knew.  In first realizing my flaw my initial question became, "what the heck is wrong with me??!". So far I haven't figured out the answer.  And through a long process of prayer and reflection I've come to a place where I'm not sure I need an answer.  All I know is that the Lord has called me out and I cannot remain the same.  If I don't share my experiences, how will I ever be a help to anyone?  Isn't ministry what it's all about, anyway?   

So... A blog!? I know, slightly ridiculous for someone who doesn't want to share with anyone to suddenly poor out my heart for anyone and everyone.  Honestly just thinking about doing this makes me want to vomit all over my iPad as I type this.  Even so, if there is one thing the Lord is teaching me, it's that it's not doing things that are comfortable that brings us peace, but being obedient to his will.

 

Yikes.. that last sentence was a tough one to swallow for me.  Peace comes from obedience?  Really!??  Obedience never feels good, does it!?  Well, maybe not, and I am no expert on this, in fact please understand I don't claim to have mastered ANY of what I'm going to share with you from this point on.  I can only offer you my experience- and my experience is that peace comes after I decide to obey on something the Lord has laid before me.  I would even go so far as to say that the converse is also true- if I am at war inside, it is in all likelihood a direct consequence of my disobedience to Christ in some area or another.  Think I'm crazy?  I'm not ruling that out.  Atleast check it out for yourself.  See if my convictions hold any water.  Where are you not at peace?  Have you obeyed the Lord in that area?  If none of your life is at peace, have you given your life to Him?   

All that being said, here I am, as terrified as it makes me feel, deciding to obey.  He has been changing me and preparing me for this for some time now, and it's time to jump in.  Head first.  Life jacket free.  I'm committing to sharing myself with you.  Real.  Raw.  All too vulnerable.  However the Lord leads.  Only so that He may use me.  I hope to encourage you, challenge you,  and bless you.  Hopefully make you laugh a time or two, and certainly make you feel better about yourself in my honesty about my own craziness.  So decide to read or don't as I offer you almost certainly more than you wanted to know... And without a doubt more of me than I want to share.