So yes I know my decision has already been made. I'm going to quit my job and stay he with my kids next fall. On one hand it sounds perfect. I no longer have to miss anything. I can be done dragging them out of their beds ( or my bed) at the crack if dawn to take them to whomever is taking care of them for me that morning. I can quit feeling guilty for leaving them- especially my nursing mama's boy. I can perhaps keep the house in order and get the laundry done for once. (hallelujah!!). Maybe I can even manage to cook 5 meals in a row!?
All of that sounds totally amazing. Yet still I'm struggling with the thought of taking this little hiatus. Last night was the annual meeting at my school. Being part-time it was one of the only times this year that I got the pleasure of spending some time with my coworkers. I work with some really awesome people. And I work for a pretty amazing school where I have a lot of freedoms and support. I have learned so much there in the past 2 years and really feel like I'm starting to get into somewhat of a groove in my teaching. I've worked hard to build good relationships with the staff and students there. I have an awesome boss (albeit extremely unorthodox) who supports me in all my efforts and am making progress in really improving the math program. It makes me sick to think that I am giving that up. That I'm going to have to start over someday. Probably at a new school with all new people and ways of doing things. I want to continue with what I've started!! Not to mention it's nice having both Brandon and I pulling in some income. Makes it a lot easier for me to do the things I love to do. Takes a burden off of husband which is a huge deal!
But I can't do it. As you read in my last post I've got too much stuff on my list!! Something's gotta give or I'm going to keep running myself ragged doing everything half-hearted. Not giving myself fully to anything or anyone. And where do I want to put myself fully in this season? My babies. Who needs me the most right now? My babies. What decision am I guaranteed not to regret in 10 years? Without a doubt staying home with my babies.
So, home with the babies I will be. (Please hear me clearly when I say I am in no way saying that if you are a working mother with little ones you are missing the boat. Absolutely not!! I don't claim to have the right answer for you in that choice. I am speaking specifically about my own convictions here. I pray you follow wherever the Lord leads you, regardless of what others say and do.). Although I'm slightly anxious about what this next year will look like, I'm very thankful that the Lord has made this clear to me. Also, that I have a husband who is supportive in my decision and willing to take on the extra load.
Now I know those of you that know the story are saying, "wait a minute, didn't you quit your job about this time last year!? Goodness, lady, make up your mind!" Yes, yes, you are right, I did. After the same amount of prayer and searching I had decided last year about this time to stay home with Brynn and new baby. Well- that all changed when I got a call to be very part time for just 6 weeks before Trig was born. All in the Lord's plan 6 weeks turned into the whole year and what started as very part time turned into something close to half or 3/4 time. I'm not ruling out God changing my plans here, people!! ;). Just doing what I feel led to do.
So, the stay-at-home mom thing will be an interesting adjustment and will take some getting used to, but even so I'm looking forward to it. Because in all reality, it won't be long before I'm no longer the girl who makes Trigs eyes light up. And soon enough Brynn isn't going to want to be just like me anymore. So for now I will enjoy them, love them the best I can, teach them as well as I am able, and take full advantage of God's grace in my journey.
More of me than I wanted to share...
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