I have spent this week knee-deep in vomit and diarrhea. You could barf all over me right now and I would barely notice. I would just get up and clean myself off like a robot. I've cleaned poop off of my couches twice this week, vomit from several other places including my own bed, washed everyone's bedding, scrubbed toilets, floors, and done countless loads of laundry (none of which were of the 12 loads I actually needed to do...). I did most of this deep cleaning last night when Brandon took the kids fishing for a couple hours. I wanted so badly to just sit and do nothing, just take a break for myself. But, I knew I'd feel SO much better to clean up the crap- unfortunately no pun intended.
I finished cleaning about 3 minutes before Brandon and the kids got home and jumped in for a much-needed shower. After all the laundry that I'd done that day and hot water ran to scrub floors, etc, I knew we were running low on hot water, and the kids and Brandon still needed to bathe, so I was speed showering.. 3 minutes in I hear screaming and crying greeting me... Brynn walks in the bathroom with her boots on in extra-dramatic fashion because she can't get them off. I cringe at the thought of fish guts and worm juice all over my freshly vacuumed and scrubbed floors.
I manage to finish my shower, complete with a cold self-sacrificing rinse and head in to clean the kids. I got everyone in bed in hopes of some "alone time" with Brandon- if you catch my drift. This kind of stuff flows very obviously from a week of kid vomit and cold showers, I know, but for some reason I just couldn't quite get in that "mood." I instead fell into some mess of reflecting on my not-quite-what-I-hoped-for life in the midst of some heartburn caused by eating my dinner at 8:45 because I was too busy cleaning and putting kids to bed to break for it at a normal time.
I know I was being dramatic. But being stuck in the house with sick kids for a few days will do that to you. Heck, being a mom period will do that to you. Although we all love our kids more than our own limbs, I'd bet if you call yourself "mom" you've had a least one day where you asked yourself why you decided to reproduce. If you're not willing to admit that, it's cool. I'm just a real gal- so I'll tell ya the though crosses my mind at least once a day. This job is hard. And quite frankly, that's not an easy thing for me to admit.
Of course I wouldn't trade my kids for any other life I had imagined for myself, even though I'm sure those choices would have been easier, but today I am struggling. After that detoxifying cleanse last night, Brynn ralphed up her breakfast all over my kitchen rug this morning. I considered just ending it right there. Maybe taking up a cocktail habit- I'm sure it was 5 somewhere... Brandon had to plow today (less-depressing side note: so thankful for the snow and work) so I was home alone dealing with the vomit and more diarrhea today. I thought we were done with this. She hadn't puked in 3 days and was getting better and now another day of THIS. Ugghhhhh..............
So for all you mommys and mommys-to-be, just know that you aren't alone. Sometimes I think we are convinced we'll get an award if we act like this job is easy for us, and make sure we don't share when we're about to loose it (or when we have indeed lost it). I promise you, momma, there is no cookie or trophy for this. And the only thing you might accomplish by sharing with someone is feeling better about where you're at (and I do, thanks for reading this), and maybe encouraging someone else along the way. Jesus had something to say to us...
"God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them. We want each of you to show the same diligence to the very end, so that what you hope for may be fully realized. We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised." Hebrews 6:10-12
Now I've got myself a Bethel education, but I am not a bible scholar. I know this is out of context, but I do believe the Lord spoke this verse over me today. You'd better believe that your work for the Lord has everything to do with loving those babies of yours. And, oh does it take some diligence. Let's not get lazy, but encourage each other, and humbly gain some wisdom from those who've already served their sentence in baby prison. The Lord has a sweet inheritance for you, sister. And for me. By his sweet power and grace, may we raise our kids to know his perfect, self-sacrificing love. You and I know all too well they see it first from their mommies.
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