SAHM (Stay-at-home-mom)

It has been 85 days since my last post.  For the 3 of you that read this, I am terribly sorry for depriving you of my oh-so-valuable thoughts.  I'm sure your life has completely fallen apart as you wonder, "what is Leah thinking!?" (insert eye-roll...)  Seriously, though, it's ridiculous that I haven't found (taken) any time to blog in the past almost 3 months.  I've written roughly 63 posts in my head, but I know that doesn't count.  At the start of this new school year I am going to attempt to write more regularly.  For your entertainment- yes, definitely, but more than that for myself.  I can barely remember what I did yesterday (unless you are talking about eating... I can remember good food for weeks, months, YEARS) so I need to write it down if I have any hopes of learning anything at all in this life. 

Lots of things have occured since June 14.  Most of them trivial, some rather wonderful.  Trig learned to "army crawl", pull himself up, and has cut 4 teeth.  My sweet cousin, Jenna, is now a Mrs.  Brynn is a preschooler.  I made two new friends (say WHAT!?).  I lost 5 lbs. or so.. (hallelujah, only 25 to go...........................).  My fall decor is up!!! (very important)  I've started my new job as a SAHMOP.  I did not go back to school/work for the first September EVER.  Just to name a few!

A fairly eventful 3 months I suppose.  On Friday, I was sitting in a classroom at good 'ole New Century Academy, my previous place of employment, teaching English for my favorite colleauge.  I had very mixed emotions about being in the building.  On one hand, I was SO glad to be subbing rather than teaching in my own classroom.  Very laid-back, low-stakes, low-responsibilty.  LOVE.  On another hand, it makes me sad that I don't have my own classroom and students this year.  I feel a little jealous of the math teacher who took my place, wishing I was embarking on a new year with new students- grading papers, planning lessons, talking about numbers instead teaching important life skills (ahhh... numbers.. i love you...).  And still on another hand (yes, that's hand number 3, don't judge), I feel SO THANKFUL to be staying at home with the kiddos this year.  Waking up at 6am and getting ready Friday morning was ugly (my face in the mirror included).  I'm a firm believer in "if it's still dark out you should still be sleeping."

I know its only a short season, so I'm really trying to enjoy and cherish this time focusing on my home and children.  I usually succeed at this, as I possess the cutest and coolest on the planet.  Truth:

Biased? Prehaps.  But seriously, look at them rocking those Red Vines.  Even so, this SAHM thing can be a tough one.  Sometimes it becomes hard to find purpose in my everyday.  Somewhere in between cleaning food off the floor for the 7th time that day, sending Brynn back to the bathroom for another try due to the syrup still on her chin from yersterday, and reminding her not to talk to me like I am one of her snot-nosed preschool friends, I can start to feel somewhat crazy (certifiably insane).  No, Brynn, you may not put lipgloss in your hair.  I know it's sparkly and gorgeous, but they do call it lipgloss for a reason.   

I know exactly why most women in our culture choose to work instead of volunteering for an extended sentence in baby prison (thanks, Jen Hatmaker for this term- a true reflection of my wonderful reality).  It's exciting heading to your job everyday in your fancy clothes, sans snot and baby barf.  You wear jewelery and heals often, talk to more than 2 adults in one day, and succeed in savoring your lunch daily (I hate you).  Oh, how I long for the days when I actually felt qualified to do my job.... I loved being the expert I paid so dearly to become (thanks, Bethel).  Now I'm the boss of a company I don't know enough about, wondering how in the world it's even remotely successful.  Staying at home to raise my babies for now instead of "giving them to someone else to raise" doesn't sound nearly as noble as it once did.  Mostly since I've realized that I can't blame what they do wrong on anyone else............
And then this was the verse of the day...

"So do not throw away this confident trust in the Lord.  Remember the great reward it brings you!  Patient endurance is what you need now, so that you will continue to do God's will.  Then you will receive all that he has promised."  Hebrews 10:35-36 NLT

Well, thank you, Jesus.  It's just like you to know exactly what I needed to hear.  After subbing at my seemingly perfect and glamorous job that I RESIGNED FROM, part of me wondering WHY!!??  I will not throw away my confident trust in you.  I know you laid out this new "job" for me and trust that it is where you would have me right now.  I know if I am patient you will lead me wherever I am needed and purposed.  I will enjoy this time- as I know I will be longing for my no-bra-wearing-the-same-sweat-pants-since-Monday days someday all too soon.