"Hi, I'm Leah."

A few weeks ago, someone approached me at church.  This is already weird since my personality is such that not many people approach me- which is indeed how I like it I suppose.  Anyway, I was approached by a sweet girl who shall remain nameless letting me know that she was going to be starting a women's bible study for the summer.  She said she thought of me and was wondering if I'd like to be in it.  Now, several thoughts were swimming in my head about this point.  Mostly- "I don't even know you!" and "No.. no I will not be in a random women's bible study.." and "Why in the WORLD are you asking me??"  Those are just the watered down, writable thoughts.. there were others.  Of course there is someone standing in front of me waiting for me to answer if this is "something I'd be interested in?" (NO.) 

So naturally, and when I say naturally I mean about as natural as me ordering a veggie burger, I agreed to join the study.

Say WHAT!?  I didn't even know who these "women" were going to be in this study... and I just go and agree, just like that?  Was it because this woman standing before me seemed so cute and fun?  Because I often admired her and her sweet little family during a service?  I don't know.  But there I was, all signed up for a new study with a bunch of randoms.  Just in case you think I'm being dramatic let me just tell you that me choosing to meet new people is about as likely as me choosing to eat at home when given the option to go out.  It just doesn't happen, people.  Not only does the "nice to meet you" scene sound just hideous, I just frankly am not looking for new friends.  That sounds snobby, I know, but I really am not.  I've got a few close friends that I love very dearly, and I'm just not one to have a bunch of friends I will never be able to keep up with.  I want to be a good friend to a few, not a mediocre one to many.  

That aside I will admit I was looking forward to a new study.  We were going to to a Beth Moore study.  I have done several and absolutely adore her.  Perhaps this is what made me agree? Anyhow there was a small light in the midst of the nightmare.  Atleast I would have something to study this summer.  Get closer to the Lord- eh?  I suppose I could use that.  Or I might die without it.  Or one of the two.  It will be fine.  And honestly at this point I still had hope that maybe there would be one or two people I would be somewhat familiar with that ended up being in the study.  Everything would work out.  

Fast forward a bit to Tuesday of this week.  The night of our first study.  Judging by the names in the bible study's Facebook group it was official I would not know a soul.  Like, I "knew of" 3 people.  Out of 9.  And when I say knew of I mean I had once heard their names.  Gag.  Vomit.  Death.  Luckily my day was pretty busy like most and I didn't have a whole lot of time to process what I was about to embark on that evening until the car ride there.  There I was driving.  I had to look up the address on the way since I had no clue where I was going.  I had some fresh make up on as I thought it necessary since I knew no one.. you know.. make a decent impression?  Whatever- my sad attempt.  Couldn't quite get myself out of my sweats, but hey?  I can let them in on a little of the real me right away, right?  

I was nervous, but mostly distracted by making sure I found the place.  Once I got there, (roughly 7 minutes late, standard business.  I will be late to my own funeral.)  I quickly entered into "what they heck am I doing here" mode.  Which looks really good on me, by the way, helps the first impression immensely.  I rudely sent a text to the bestie- "I feel like a total freak... this is why I never do this stuff..."  I knew she was most likely tickled by the thought of me in my current situation as she knew how mortifying it was for me.  I could just see her sick little smile at the though of me squirming in my discomfort.  But that sweet, sweet sister replied to me with "It will be okay- the Lord's got something in store for you... He told me :) Go- let him do it!"  

She'll never know what those words meant to me at that moment.  Quite possibly saved me from fainting and making a total fool of myself, but more than that.  They redirected me to what it was all about.  To WHO it is all about.  My sweet Jesus.  He's been shaking me up lately for what I can only imagine is bringing me closer to Him and His perfect plan for me.  I'm drowning in all the things in me that I feel disqualify me from making a difference for Him.  Yet in the midst I am humbled by the fact that he might just use those very things to show others His sweet face.  Use me, precious Jesus.  

Turns out I didn't die during the Bible study.  I didn't pass out either.  No guarantees on leaving without everyone thinking I was totally annoying and weird, but I am still living.  Even looking forward to next week.  In the middle of being completely freaked out there was something beautiful about being in a group of women brought together perhaps by nothing more than a desire to seek Him together.  And- thank you Lord- the hostess served some AWESOME coffee.  And someone brought delicious cake.  What can I say?  I'm easily pleased, and slightly shallow.  I so hope people in my new bible study read this so they can know how crazy I am and end their suspicions.